Slowly returning

The last months of my father’s battle with cancer were two years ago now. Two years that seem to have simultaneously drifted and flown by. Grief is an interesting process. Sometimes you process it well and move through it quickly and sometimes you don’t. I think it has taken me just about two years to feel like I have processed my father’s passing. It is time to get back to living. Not that I haven’t been trying to live but I have been largely avoiding myself and what I really want out of life. Part of that I believe is a clinging to the old expectations my father had of me. He was so proud of my success in the business world. He would tell everyone he met how successful I was. Am I still successful in his eyes if I don’t work in a big corporate job. We have enough money to live comfortably if we aren’t wasteful. I can work on my own business ideas in my own time without the pressure of corporate demands. No travel that I don’t want, no work that doesn’t suit me. I like this idea of a life but I still struggle with the person my father was so proud of. I know it wasn’t the job, it was me but still, if he is looking down, is he still proud. Would he be proud that I chose not to go back to that world?

Anybody out there made this same transition? Do you have doubts? How did you come to terms with the new person you became?

I am glad that I am returning to the world, even if it is a slow process, and I am not 100% sure of my direction. I am enjoying exploring the options.